Understanding The Noise

8/29/58 - 6/25/09

I wonder what he would say

There's been a lot of noise on the social media circuit regarding the amount of attention given to the death of Michael Jackson. I suppose for those that are aggressively active in the political arena, and starving for a voice in the world, this attitude makes sense. Those that live for news on the Iran election and death of Neda, the debates in DC regarding health insurance and energy, the economy, the unemployment rate, the Afghanistan war, the appointment of Sotomayor, the pull back in Iraq, the death of an entertainer must seem trivial.

I mean after all Farrah Fawcett (6/25), Ed McMahon (6/23), Billy Mays (6/28), David Carradine (6/3), and more recently Karl Maulden (7/1) did not receive such press accolades or attention world wide. I follow several people on twitter that have made catty comments regarding this phenomenon, and to them I say, I can care for more than one thing, allow me the freedom of compassion in more than one venue. I suppose , allow, is the incorrect word because I will deal with his death as I please, as I feel comfortable with, until I understand his death.

I will admit some of the noise from the coverage has been a bit much. I've heard the same "Breaking News" over and over again. There has been a cacophony of noise and supposition regarding his health, the three children, his ex wife, the will, drugs, the day before and the actual day he died. They've covered his child hood, his relationship with father and family. They've discussed his possible suicide, Neverland, where to bury him, how to honor and memorialize him and there have been two autopsies.

Well all that is well and good, but I am still dealing with accepting that he is dead. There are few entertainers that truly have an impact on me. Michael Jackson was an impacting entertainer. I didn't realize what impact he had on me until last Thursday.

When I first heard that he had been taken to the hospital, I just figured he was ill and would still be okay. I was watching news of Farrah Fawcett who had died earlier in the morning on the same day. I watched "Charlies Angels" Farrah's death was expected, and I do not apologize for the fact that she just didn't have that much impact on me. I figured Michael was just ill and would be okay. I even made mention to someone the old saying about deaths coming in three's (McMahon and Farrah being the other two). Approximately 30 minutes later word came out that he had died but it had not been confirmed. I sat and starred at the message in total disbelief, it could not be true, no way, no how. Recently there was a rumor that Patrick Swazye had died. Patrick Swazye is been ill, but he is still alive. All of this was going through my head, another unfounded rumor, so I did not believe Michael had passed. Later when it was confirmed that we had lost Michael, I did not cry but my heart hurt. I was truly affected.

Someone asked me did I love him? Why were so many people were saying they loved MJ? I can't answer for anyone else, but I loved watching him perform, loved his music, I remember his beginnings and my heart hurt as his death was confirmed. His music made me feel good and I wanted to dance and move like him. I loved going out and hearing music by MJ. I was a pretty good dancer, and I had certain moves I used on MJ songs. I never tried to copy MJ in his moves because that was just silly. I hated the whole crotch grabbing thing, but that was his signature and he could have it. Yes, I did sing his songs and It sound pretty good in the bathroom. I thought I sounded just like him when I sang "Ben". I have albums, cassettes, CD's and mp3 recordings of MJ. I even have a VHS tape of Micheal. From vinyl to digital I have my piece and I love it. I love my memories, and here more than a week after his death, a bit of the denial remain. I am am proud of that collection as I am of my vinyl of "Hard Days Night" which I will never sale. Did, or do I love MJ? I love the way he made me feel, I loved the way his music made me move on the dance floor, I loved the showmanship. I never met him but went to two of his concerts. He was not part of my family but his music was a part of my life at a stage that was alive.

My memories include a red jacket like Michael's, mine was silk and soooo cute. I had a white glove lapel pin I would wear when we went out clubbing. I recall my friend Vickie and I were a bit drunk. We were going down the street singing rather loudly, "Beat it, beat it, beat it." Donna, another friend told us she would beat us if we didn't shut up. We were too liquored up to care. Geeks allover the world were ecstatic because he made white socks and black shoes acceptable.

I am a toy collector so I understand his collection of oddities. My collection comes nowhere near his, but I understand his desire for nearness to a childhood,

What difference does it make how people remember as long as they do, and, they do it in a manner that brings them comfort.

There's a deep seeded feeling for me that I have lived through something great, something not to be closely rivaled in a very, very long time. I've often said I can not dance to music I can not feel, perhaps that is the loss I feel. While I realize his music will be around for many years, he will not.

For those out there that do not understand, I am sorry...for them. It will soon be time for the media to get back to wars, the economy, supreme court justices etc...oh, they never went away; they didn't mean less; MJ just took center stage one more time.

RIP MJ sing a little dance a lot, you will be missed.